Be your own judge. (It’s that time of the year!)

Every day, every hour, so many interactions. Judging someone comes so naturally. At home or at the workplace, at a party or at a game of cricket/football. We judge. We like to judge.

But how about…….being judged?

Too cruel to face the mirror?

Being judged is a way of life. It’s so normal. It’s so much into our lives that the only way we make a sense of our worth is through others eyes. We let ourselves be judged. Parents, teachers, relatives, friends, colleagues in the office, bosses, spouses.

It’s difficult but equally critical to not let other’s judgment impact you. Remain free. Be your own judge.

Answer this:

“Who knows you the best? What three things they will tell about yourself?”

For almost 2 years, I kept answering this Dan Luca’s question by giving reference to either my spouse or my mother or some of my friends.

One early morning, it struck me, how is it possible that anyone other than me knows me better?

Isn’t it strange? For so long I thought someone else knows me well! It’s after so many months of continuously answering this question, finally bull’s eye!

You know everything about yourself. Your happiness, your sorrows, your weaknesses, your pain points, your liking, your taste buds, your moods, your books, your pains, your daily journal. You know yourself the best.

Now, I know, no one can judge me. How can they? I know me the best. You know you the best. Your office colleagues know just one version of you. They don’t know the father in you, the writer in you, the runner in you, the foody in you, the entrepreneur in you, the music in you, the footballer in you!

So why do you see yourself from their eyes?

Bell Curve.

Something ringing?

It’s that time of the year. Many dread, many are excited and many are clueless.

Oh yea, you will get judged in few days of time! Again!

I want to tell all of you who are working tirelessly on your desks with utmost passion, dedication and grit, just go and take a break.

Guys, it’s very simple, give everything you have to your work but then come back and give everything you have to yourself and your family.

Your organization follows some or the other method of judging you and your abilities. They have to. They don’t have a choice. Methods can be different but you will be judged. Bell curve, 360 degree, peer reviews, one on one, be it anything. You are getting judged.

Consequence — you too judge yourself on the same parameters.

You are special and no mathematical model can evaluate your purpose and your worth.

Organization’s perspective: We need the curve to distribute the limited bonus kitty. Fine. Understood.

Probably, the models are evolving and in a few years, we will witness something which will solve both the purposes (maintaining your worth and solving the P&L mystery).

Till then, slow down mate.

Play few games of ludo with your little one (I personally love stone, paper, scissors), a round of tennis with your grown up, get yourself checked by a doctor, write a letter to your parents, cook a nice meal with your spouse, go for a run and finally call all your friends and tell them that you are alive.

  • A good conversation with your loved ones is as important as a good credit in your salary account.
  • Your kid, spouse, parents, and siblings need as much time of yours as the people inside the four walls of your office do.
  • Running/Exercise will give you a better life than running for a higher portion of the limited kitty.
  • Another degree in your resume. Sure if it makes you happy and more aware, else…

For many companies it’s that time of the year when a scientific study called self-evaluation is being done. People write about what they have done in the last one year, they meet their superiors, take feedback and then wait for those critical numbers in the evaluation chart and extra credits in the salary account.

As Ben Horowitz mentioned in his book “The Hard Things About Hard Things”, this exercise sometimes become a shit sandwich.

Spend your time to learn more and impress less. Life is long and it is short too. Long enough to learn a lot and short enough to live life from someone else’s viewpoint.

You are far more worthy then anyone else thinks of you. There are skills in you which only you can nurture, your hobbies need your time, your passion wants a playground to perform. They all count in the long run. They make you a better person. A stronger person. A Human Being.

It’s just a curve don’t let it convert into a circle. Come out of this difficult circle!

Don’t let them judge you.

Before we end, remind yourself that feedback is different than being judged.

Seek feedback, take initiative, listen to people.

Don’t let the feedback session become a “Shit Sandwich”, be true to yourself.

You are not your past.

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Nishith Goyal

Nishith Goyal

Author — Be Better Bit-By-Bit, Long-distance runner, Diarist, Self Transformation Coach. Podcast-"Be Better Bit-By-Bit" & “10 Bullets- 100 Words” Book Summary